Emotional pain is like a silent scream that echoes inside of us. Even though we can so vividly experience the pain within ourselves, it is unheard by the world outside.
With no cast or brace that can help mend the hurt, our emotional pain often feels invisible to others, intensifying our sense of isolation. The internal torment can linger, affecting our daily lives, seeping into our relationships, and fracturing our sense and well-being.
Fortunately, there are ways to unpack this emotional pain, build tolerance, and loosen the grip it has within us. Sort of like taking a cold plunge every morning, our tolerance to the pain can go up and up!
Let’s get into how this all works.
Emotional pain refers to intense feelings of distress, anguish, or suffering that stem from a non-physical source.
This 2024 study describes emotional pain as a “dynamic process” involving various physiological systems where the stimuli involve complex feelings, such as losing a loved one or facing significant life changes.
Emotional pain may be felt through several symptoms, including:
Compared to physical pain, emotional pain is far more abstract. In other words, it affects our emotional and psychological well-being rather than our bodies, which often requires a different approach to management and healing.
The consequences of emotional pain are far-reaching.
When left unaddressed, it can extend beyond mere sadness, further impairing daily functioning and potentially causing serious psychological consequences.
For many years, studies have shown a distinct link between our mental state, such as feeling stress or emotional dysregulation, and its effects on our bodies. This 2019 study has found that psychological stress triggers inflammation throughout the body, which may contribute to the onset of depression.
These physical manifestations not only exacerbate the emotional turmoil but also contribute to a cycle of discomfort and diminished well-being.
Emotional pain can come from several sources or experiences.
Some common areas where emotional pain arises in our bodies include:
It is also important to note that emotional pain affects each of us differently. We all go through our own mix of stressors and tough times, and how deeply they affect us can be profoundly personal.
The severity or depth of our emotional pain depends on how we practice building our tolerance to it.
Building tolerance, otherwise known as cultivating resilience, is an important practice that can take on many forms.
From attending therapy and working through the emotional pain caused by traumatic events to reaching out to social support to strengthen emotional bonds, we are all capable of developing healthier coping skills to overcome these heavy and painful emotions.
The first and most important avenue for building emotional tolerance is by working alongside a professional to help you at each phase.
Therapy provides a structured and supportive environment where individuals are encouraged to explore their emotions, process painful past traumas, and learn coping strategies to manage emotional pain more productively.
Here are the most effective therapeutic modalities that are used to improve tolerance to emotional pain.
CBT is an evidence-based form of talk therapy that focuses on identifying and modifying negative thought patterns and behaviours that give rise to emotional distress.
More specifically, trauma-focused CBT is a modality that is designed to address post-traumatic stress disorder symptoms associated with trauma and abuse. It can help individuals discover relief from various distressing emotions, behavioural problems, and unhelpful thought patterns, including guilt, shame, and cognitive distortions.
EFT is another helpful therapeutic modality used to help bring awareness to and regulate emotions caused by distressing symptoms. It focuses on understanding the underlying emotions that drive behaviours, while also teaching strategies to manage these emotions more effectively.
Research has found EFT to be a beneficial treatment approach for addressing trauma/stressor-related disorders.
EMDR aims to help individuals process traumatic memories that are tied to emotional pain. This approach involves recalling distressing memories while simultaneously focusing on external stimuli (i.e. eye movements) to reprocess memories in a less distressing manner.
It is important to mention that EMDR is a phased approach, ensuring each individual is capable of attending to certain memories in a way that is healthy and supported throughout the therapeutic process.
MBSR is, as the name describes it, a mindfulness-based approach that focuses on techniques to enhance awareness of the present moment, encouraging non-judgmental and non-critical observation.
This method plays a pivotal role in building tolerance to emotional pain by teaching skills to enhance emotional regulation (i.e. observing emotions without reacting impulsively), reducing stress reactivity, building emotional resilience, and improving self-compassion.
ACT combines aspects of mindfulness strategies with commitment and behaviour change techniques to encourage emotional processing and healing.
This method helps individuals embrace difficult emotions and thoughts while committing to actions that align with their values, promoting mental flexibility.
While therapy is a foundation for learning and gaining the confidence to apply coping strategies to our lives, we're not going to keep all the effective ways to handle emotional pain a secret.
Some helpful coping strategies include:
While not all of these may be something you implement in one day, each is useful in helping express emotions and work through stress. Each activity prioritizes our needs and well-being, empowering us to take control of our lives and effectively manage future challenges.
Research has found that more resilient individuals can ‘bounce back’ from stressful or negative emotional experiences much quicker. Despite facing adversity, trauma, or significant sources of stress, resilient individuals are more flexible in their thinking and behaviour, allowing them to adapt to changing circumstances.
There are a variety of exercises that can help us strengthen our emotional resilience. These include:
Becoming more emotionally resilient is a strength that we can all benefit from.
Emotional pain is an intense and distressing state that deeply impacts our well-being, often leaving us feeling isolated or invalidated in our experiences.
You are not alone. Remember, you have the strength to overcome emotional pain and even grow from it. Every small step toward gaining resilience is another step to a healthier, happier you.
Not sure how to take that next step? At On Your Mind Counselling, we offer a free 30-minute consultation with a licensed mental health professional to address any questions you may have and explore ways in which therapy can support your journey to emotional well-being.
Written by Julie Stevenson BSW, MSW, RSW
