Conflict is a natural part of any healthy relationship. That being said, how you navigate through relationship conflict and successfully come out the other side after an argument is what many couples struggle with.
Whether it is a small disagreement or a deeper-rooted argument, navigating the aftermath of a conflict can feel overwhelming and emotionally draining, to say the least!
Our ability to bounce back and reconnect is an essential component for building more resilient, healthy, and loving relationships. Follow along as we provide practical steps to help you recover from relationship conflicts, regain emotional balance, and get on the path to strengthening the connection with your partner.
Conflict in a romantic relationship can look different for everyone. Generally speaking, it is an expressed struggle between partners, based on a perception of incompatible goals, disagreements of needs, or differences in values.
Relationship conflicts often evolve when each partner’s desires or expectations fall out of alignment, leading to frustration, emotional pain, tension, or possibly misunderstandings.
While conflict is completely natural in every healthy relationship, as it provides an avenue to address our needs, communicate in a safe space, and grow together, how it’s handled during and afterwards is what truly matters.
One study found that how couples handle conflict can help determine whether they feel satisfied in their relationships or not. An example of this is negative behaviours, such as criticizing and yelling, both of which have been linked to higher instances of divorce among married couples.
In another 2017 study, researchers found two important mechanisms for approaching relationship conflicts while it is happening:
As couples work through their disagreements, they can begin to build resilience and healthier patterns over time, which is crucial to the process of recovery and growth in relationships.
No matter if the pattern of relationship conflict happens to be related to your partner’s habits, household chores, finances, quality time, intimacy, parenting, or role expectations, understanding how to move forward constructively is the goal.
Here are 3 steps involved in the process of recovery.
Acknowledging the existence of the conflict is an essential step in the recovery process. While it might seem obvious - "of course it happened; that’s clear as day" - recognition here means fully accepting the impact it had.
There is a level of emotional awareness involved in being able to identify the feelings that were experienced in a relationship conflict. This can be done by reflecting emotions and putting a name to them. Were you feeling hurt, angry, or misunderstood? Naming the feelings can help clarify your experiences.
Next, consider taking your partner’s perspective, and recognizing their emotions to build empathy and improve your ability to address that conflict as a partner. Remember, it’s you and your partner working together to resolve the problem, not competing against each other to win the argument.
Before walking into this conversation, it’s helpful to first establish a safe and comfortable space for open communication. Setting the stage for dialogue involves:
The priority is to ensure both parties feel safe to converse about the matter at hand.
Using “I” statements can be a powerful tool for de-escalating tension and facilitating a more productive conversation. For instance, instead of saying, “You ignored me,” try framing it as, “I felt unheard when I shared my thoughts, and it affected me.”
This approach focuses on your emotions and experiences rather than attributing blame, which can make your partner less defensive and more willing to listen. It also helps prioritize understanding over confrontation, making it easier for both of you to engage in the conversation constructively.
Another important technique in effective communication is listening. Active listening is a technique that encourages us to listen to understand rather than to respond. A 2018 study found that when one partner listens actively and attentively while the other shares their stress, it leads to better teamwork in handling challenges and greater satisfaction in the relationship.
“Bouncing back” from a relationship conflict, even following the recovery process, can be tricky for many couples. While hopefully, many of the heavy emotions involved in the conflict itself may be resolved, the aftermath can shake up the foundation of trust and connection in the relationship.
Here are some beneficial strategies to focus on when rebuilding your relationship following a conflict.
Finding a way back to one another on an emotional level requires the re-establishment of your connection.
One helpful way to establish a connection is to practice affection. Consider your love language, in terms of how both you and your partner prefer to give and receive love. The five love languages include:
If you have not yet discussed the love language with your partner, consider making time to talk this out.
Building resilience following an argument or disagreement can be incredibly rewarding in the long run. Consider these conflicts as an opportunity to improve your connection, to share perspectives, and learn a bit more about one another’s needs in the partnership. When relationship conflict does arise (because it will), reflecting on what was learned from the past argument can become the foundation for growth.
Couples can also consider practicing mindful exercises together to help deepen connection, foster emotional intimacy, and ignite shared joy.
During times when you have both fully resolved and are able to come together in a calm environment is a good time to set goals you might have for future conflicts. This 2022 study found that couples who strive to solve relationship conflict with cooperation and the goal to satisfy the needs of both individuals can create increased relationship satisfaction.
Establishing general guidelines like, “We will not interrupt each other”, “We will never raise our voices at each other, no matter how frustrated we get,” or “We will take breaks from the conversation if things get too heated” can help keep things on track.
Having an outside perspective is sometimes all it takes to break free from some of the frustrating patterns that evolve from everyday relationship conflicts. Couples counselling provides a safe space to air grievances without fear of being misunderstood, having issues minimized, or feeling stuck in conversations that go nowhere.
Common areas of focus may include:
Starting therapy together can be a powerful step toward making a lasting change in your relationship.
In any relationship, conflict is not just inevitable but can also serve as a catalyst for growth and deeper connection when navigated thoughtfully.
By working through challenges collaboratively, partners can align their goals, strengthen their emotional connection, and craft a vision for a relationship that thrives on mutual understanding and support.
For support along the way, consider reaching out to a mental health professional. Click here to book a free 30-minute consultation today!
Written by Cassandra Wolfe MA, RP, LPC, CAADC
