Couples therapy can play a central role in strengthening relationships. From helping support a couple through difficult conflict resolution to fostering more emotional intimacy, counselling provides a structured environment where both partners can feel heard and understood.
However, a common scenario that many couples face is the willingness of one partner to seek therapy while the other resists. Whether it be due to fear, skepticism, or the belief that they are capable of resolving issues alone, the dynamic can stir up a ton of frustration in any partnership.
Today, we are exploring the benefits of couples counselling, and what to do if your partner is either on the fence or completely against therapy altogether.
Couples Counselling is a safe and supportive space to express your concerns, resolve conflicts, and connect on a deeper emotional level.
People often come to counselling looking for a roadmap - some guidance through what they're going through and a way to pick up new tools, gain insights, and find strategies to make a change in their situation.
While no two couples face identical challenges, couples counselling is a dynamic process that adapts to each couple's unique situation. It provides tools and therapeutic interventions tailored to meet both individual and relationship needs.
Some common reasons why couples attend therapy include:
Though there is impressive evidence of the benefits of couples counselling, including enhanced relationship satisfaction, prevention of divorce, better mental health, and strengthened commitment to the relationship, not everyone is eager to seek this form of help.
Despite the availability of effective treatment forms that couples can access in counselling, studies have shown that many seek therapy as a last resort, reluctantly, or not at all.
Within the framework of couples counselling, partners will gain insight and learn practical strategies to help improve their relationship.
A common concern that arises is the assumption a therapist might take sides. However, the purpose of couples therapy is for a therapist to work collaboratively with both partners to clearly identify the core issues affecting the relationship. This may include exploring unresolved conflicts, personal triggers, emotional wounds, or underlying expectations that may not have been fully expressed.
In the initial sessions of couples therapy, your therapist might review your history as a couple, discussing major milestones and areas of conflict.
As therapy progresses, you will work on developing skills to manage the ‘sore spots’ in the relationship, including:
The number of sessions needed varies, depending on the issues at hand and the goals you set as a couple. Ultimately, the goal is to create a more balanced, supportive, and connected relationship, laying the foundation for you and your partner to co-create a future together.
According to The Gottman Institute, a common misconception among couples is the belief that they can resolve conflicts on their own, which often leads to feelings of guilt about needing to seek therapy.
Several additional reasons may contribute to an individual’s resistance to couples therapy, including:
Regardless of the reasons for their reluctance toward therapy, what matters most during this time is developing empathy for your partner. Instead of pushing or forcing them into a direction that feels uncomfortable, it’s more beneficial to take the time to understand their perspective.
Bringing up couples counselling can feel a bit intimidating, but starting the conversation is an important way to show your commitment to making things better.
If you’ve struggled with couples therapy before or think your partner might resist, try these strategies to spark open conversations and encourage them to engage in the process - or at the very least, consider the idea with an open mind!
Being intentional about the space you’re in can help improve the dynamic of any conversation. For example, approaching this discussion with warmth, openness to ideas, and patience toward your partner's concerns is crucial for fostering trust and understanding.
Using “I” statements to share your thoughts, such as saying, “I feel like couples therapy could really help us connect better,” is more effective because it focuses on your feelings and needs rather than placing blame or criticism on your partner.
Framing therapy as a positive opportunity rather than a way to “fix problems” can help shift couples’ view of the process.
Referencing the benefits of couples therapy, such as the instances of improving communication, strengthening connection, and preventing future issues from escalating can create a more inviting perspective to seeking professional help.
After doing a bit of research, you may come to find a ton of valuable alternatives to couples counselling that may help ease your partner's hesitancy.
Exploring therapeutic options, such as individual therapy or counselling workshops, can be a great first step in introducing your partner to the idea of couples counselling. For instance, individual counselling might allow your partner to feel less pressured in the therapeutic setting, while still offering benefits from the support.
Finding professional resources can be another helpful way to encourage your partner’s commitment to counselling. Sharing insightful resources, including articles, blog posts, podcasts, or books can all help to normalize the conversation around therapy.
It may also be helpful to suggest a free consultation with a couples therapist to discuss and address concerns about therapy without creating the added pressure to commit to the long-term process.
When it comes to introducing a new, possible taboo topic to your partner, it is important to consider your own expectations along the way. Recognize that your partner may need time to warm up to the possibility of couples counselling.
Many of the most successful cases of therapy require two committed individuals who are willing to actively engage in the process, support each other through the challenges, and grow together as they work to strengthen their relationship.
So, if you notice ongoing resistance from your partner, it might be worthwhile to explore individual counselling as a first step. This can provide you with support and strategies to navigate your own feelings, which may ultimately help in discussing couples therapy later on.
Couples therapy can be a transformative experience. Though not every pair is equally eager to begin, being open to the process and willing to understand your partner’s concerns can make all the difference.
If you’re seeking guidance through individual or couples counselling, click here to schedule a free 30-minute consultation with a professional today.
Written by Tori Mudie, RP
