Breakups are devastating and breakup recovery is hard. Whether your relationship ended abruptly and left you feeling blindsided, or unfolded slowly through hours of conversation, the pain is real.
Like unexpected plot twists that leave us reeling, breakups force us to rewrite our lives in ways we never imagined.
Though, with heartbreak comes an opportunity. It offers a chance to reflect, rebuild, and rediscover parts of ourselves that may have been overlooked in the relationship. It’s not just about healing, but also about growth, finding clarity in the midst of uncertainty, and, most importantly, reconnecting with ourselves and our inner happiness.
Read on, as we explore the complexities of breaking up, the emotional rollercoaster it brings, and the tools you can use to reset, rebuild, and emerge as a stronger, more empowered version of yourself.
Before we jump straight into healing and rebuilding, it’s important to take a moment to acknowledge the pain and heartbreak this breakup has brought.
Acceptance doesn’t mean you have to like what happened. Instead, it means recognizing where you are right now so you can begin to move toward a place of clarity and strength.
Research shows that 43% of people experience a significant drop in happiness or an increase in stress after a breakup. These emotions are completely normal. To accept is sometimes to understand. Acknowledging your feelings - whether it’s sadness, anger, confusion, or even relief - is an essential step in understanding your current reality.
Breakups often bring a sense of grief, similar to the pain we feel when losing a loved one. However, the difference lies in knowing that the person is still out there, living their life, only no longer as part of ours. As a result of this pain and grievance, we struggle to let go and move on.
Some common reasons why breakups are so difficult for us include:
In some instances, the loss of a relationship can have more serious implications for our health and mental well-being. This 2021 study found that breakups can be an immensely stressful event for many people, which can increase the risk of depressive symptoms and clinical depression.
Breakups don’t just hurt emotionally - they can cause real, physical pain.
Dr. Melanie Greenburg, writing for Psychology Today, explains that heartbreak triggers a visceral response in our bodies. She references a study showing that when people view a photo of an ex after an unwanted breakup, the brain regions associated with physical pain light up.
Similarly, an article from the American Psychological Association highlights how social rejection activates the same neural pathways as physical pain. This overlap suggests that the brain processes emotional pain from rejection in much the same way it handles physical injuries, which is why rejection can feel so intensely uncomfortable.
Taking space from your past means cutting off contact and fully committing to prioritizing your healing and well-being. Keep in mind that cutting ties with your ex does not mean you’re angry, resentful, or bitter. Rather, it means you’re choosing yourself over the pain of waiting for things to change, expecting a text with their name on it, or putting your life on pause for someone who is not showing up for you.
Creating distance between you and your ex-partner can be a powerful boundary. You can do this in a number of ways, including:
All of these steps, though seemingly small, can help you reclaim your space and redirect your energy toward things that bring you joy.
Healthy coping strategies, or what we call 'adaptive coping,' are helpful tools to lean on when life becomes overwhelming.
Unlike maladaptive coping, which involves avoidance behaviours like denial, disengagement, or self-punishment (such as self-blame or overthinking), adaptive coping focuses on healthier, more constructive approaches to handling stress.
Adaptive coping includes:
There are so many other strategies that can really help you through this tough time, such as getting 7-9 hours of sleep, eating nourishing meals, staying active, or even just letting it all out with a good cry while listening to your favourite music.
By leaning into these healthier coping strategies, you’ll be setting yourself up to heal and come out stronger on the other side.
The process of finding out who we are, outside of the context of a relationship, can be both a scary yet exhilarating thing!
Think about the times you dreamed of backpacking through Europe, taking that pottery class you always talked about, or starting your own side business. Maybe those dreams didn’t fit into the plans you shared with your partner or were left unsupported by them.
Now, however, is an entirely new chapter that is yours to write.
Are you curious about running a marathon? Want to learn how to play the guitar? Ready to finally master that recipe you've always wanted to try? Now is the perfect opportunity to find out.
Set a new goal for yourself. Big or small, create small adjustments in your daily life that help get you there. Even if it starts with “I’ll get out of bed to go for a walk today’, every step forward is still progress.
Prioritizing self-care after a breakup isn’t just important…it’s essential.
Here are a few ways to take care of yourself:
Remember, self-care isn’t selfish. It’s a way to remind yourself that you’re worthy of love, starting with your own.
Accepting that the chapter of "us" has ended means coming to terms with letting them go, allowing them to start a new chapter that focuses solely on their journey, while you focus on yours.
The loneliness, uncertainty, and fear can feel overwhelming at times. That’s where professional support can be valuable. From navigating the initial heartbreak to later exploring your path of self-discovery, therapy can provide guidance, clarity, and tools to help you move forward and reclaim your sense of self.
Click here to book a free 30-minute virtual consultation with a professional as early as today!
For those with questions or apprehensions, check out our article on starting therapy where we explore what to expect during your initial sessions.
Tori Mudie MA, RP, CCC
