For so many women, the monthly cycle is just another routine part of life. However, for those trying to conceive (TTC), it can carry a heavier weight.
The start of every month brings a renewed sense of hope. A flood of optimism, where thoughts like, “Maybe this is the time it will finally happen,” stirs in our minds. Then comes the waiting, the wondering, and the over-analyzing of every symptom or bodily sensation. When that hope is met with yet another negative pregnancy test, the disappointment hits like a sharp sting, often lingering for weeks on end.
Infertility is more common than many of us assume, affecting roughly 1 in every 6 women. Yet, the emotional toll it carries is rarely discussed.
According to a 2018 study, one of the most challenging aspects of infertility affecting mental health is the overwhelming loss of control–over our bodies, our futures, and the timeline of a deeply personal dream.
We want to empower you to take back some of this control, along with helping you foster more compassion, happiness, and emotional resilience as you enter into your next cycle. Read on as we cover the emotional rollercoaster of TTC, from the depths of disappointment to the peaks of optimism, along with helpful strategies to support you on this journey.
Trying to conceive can be an emotionally painful journey for so many women. The uncertainty and repeated setbacks can take a serious toll on our mental well-being, relationships, and overall quality of life.
We are here to shed light on the realities that so many women face when TTC.
The dreaded negative pregnancy test hits like a punch to the gut. Feelings of sadness, anger, frustration, and guilt can swarm minds and bodies. With every failed attempt feeling like a more profound loss than the last.
Thoughts of, “Is this even possible for me?” can loom overhead. Having to harbour the guilt of thinking we might not be able to conceive is linked closely to decreased self-esteem and body-related shame. These factors can make it that much harder to believe in ourselves, let alone to hold space for hope.
The emotional weight of trying and failing month after month becomes unbearable. Yet, the thought of having a baby remains in our focus, making it feel impossible to give up on the journey.
As ovulation approaches, there might be a mix of feelings. While hope and excitement rise, there may still be an underlying feeling of uncertainty.
The testing seems to drag on for days, each one carrying a little spark of hope, driven by the chance that this could be the time it works. With each new test, the thought, "Maybe this time will be different," resets our mindset, giving us a renewed sense of optimism that a positive result might be just around the corner.
As we move into ovulation, it’s difficult to push away the good vibes.
Many approach this time with a sense of caution, balancing the excitement of possibility with the fear of disappointment. They allow themselves to imagine a future pregnancy, while also trying to keep their expectations in check. However, if it becomes challenging to manage your expectations, that is human too!
The days following ovulation can feel like an eternity.
Every twinge, symptom, or change in the body is scrutinized. The emotional rollercoaster of waiting can be exhausting and incredibly anxiety-inducing, as the mind swings between optimism and doubt.
This constant vigilance adds unwanted stress, making the days feel longer and more intense.
Then comes the crushing moment of realization that the pregnancy test is negative.
It is so common for women to experience a wave of immense sadness, frustration, and even grief for the loss of what could have been.
Each disappointment chips away at our confidence, leaving us feeling crushed and emotionally drained.
Not to mention, the mental fatigue of repeating this cycle month after month can be overwhelming. Processing these difficult emotions takes time and energy, often requiring space for healing before finding the strength to try again.
What people rarely discuss about the hardships of trying to conceive is how isolating it can feel. It is not always a private struggle; rather, when we feel strong enough to open up about our struggles, it may be met with well-meaning yet misguided advice like, “You need to relax, it will happen when you stop trying” or “Maybe it wasn’t meant to be.”
This loneliness permeates outwards into medical settings as well, where the journey to parenthood can become incredibly exhaustive. According to Johns Hopkins Medicine, women under 35 are advised to try conceiving for 12 months before seeking an infertility evaluation, while those 35 and older should try for six months. For those caught in this cycle, a full year can feel agonizingly long, with each passing month bringing more uncertainty and emotional strain. It becomes difficult to plan ahead and maintain hope, even though physicians do not intend to be dismissive.
The process of TTC can be physically and emotionally taxing, especially over time.
Even the routines that come with every cycle of TTC can feel overwhelming. This includes continuous updates and attendance to:
A 2022 study reports that infertility is a common yet rarely discussed topic, despite its significant emotional, physical, and psychological impact. It is crucial to acknowledge these effects, as they can profoundly shape an individual’s well-being.
Women, in particular, often experience intense social isolation when they are unable to meet societal expectations and pressures to become mothers. This can contribute to low self-esteem, depression, anxiety, and changes in mood - symptoms that make it tough to focus on other parts of life. It can strain our romantic relationships, affect our performance at work, and make it harder to enjoy things that once brought us joy.
Acknowledging these challenges is crucial in understanding the full impact of infertility and the need to seek support.
You are not alone. Support is available, whether it’s working with a therapist, attending support groups, or talking to a trusted friend who has shared similar hardships. Finding strength through it all is difficult, but it is not impossible.
Here are some helpful ways to get yourself through the highs and the lows of TTC.
As a woman struggling to conceive, you deserve to feel seen. Therapy offers a space where your emotions, struggles, and self-doubt are acknowledged and validated because your feelings do matter. You deserve space to grieve, to process, and to be heard without judgment.
Professional therapy is an avenue that helps guide women and couples faced with infertility, offering practical ways to regain a sense of control and well-being throughout the highs and lows of this journey.
Therapy is proven helpful in addressing infertility-related distress in women by:
Click to book a free 30-minute consultation with a licensed professional today!
Emotional well-being is deeply intertwined with our physical health. Research has found that relaxation techniques that stimulate mindfulness can significantly reduce stress and anxiety in women who may be experiencing infertility.
Consider incorporating these practices into your daily routine:
These simple yet powerful habits can bring a sense of balance and calm, helping to ease the emotional weight of each month.
Trying to conceive is not just about pregnancy; it’s about navigating the emotional highs and lows that come with it. We want to emphasize that it is okay to acknowledge just how hard that can be.
While this path may be filled with uncertainty, there is strength in support and in finding ways to care for yourself along the way.
You deserve compassionate care during this time. Reach out to a therapist today and start prioritizing your emotional well-being. Click here to book your first session.
Written by Abbie Veira BSW, RSW, MSW
